Cliches and other stuff that you'll never see in my writing.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, so let's jump right in.

* "Where are we? More like when are we?"

* A hard-drinking cop whose next case will either save his life...or end it.

* By the same token, said cop's screaming sergeant/lieutenant.

* A car horn going off in one long, somber note because someone's slumped dead against it. Try it the next time you're in your car.

* "Now that's what I call (fill in the blank)!"

* Someone being saved by a sniper's bullet because they just happened to drop their cell phone at the perfect moment.

* A character coming back from the dead (a la Ian Malcolm in Crichton's "The Lost World.") When I kill them, they stay dead.

* A "Mary Sue." And, yes, giving a Mary Sue one charming flaw (e.g. can't cook, allergic to burlap) counts.

* "I've heard of (fill in the blank) before, but this is ridiculous!"

* A character "shrugging his shoulders." A shrug, by definition, involves shoulders. Brought this up on Twitter the other day. No longer felt alone.

* A traitor revealing himself by saying something dumb, then another character saying, "Wait, how do you know? I never said anything about (fill in the blank)."

* A character who exists solely to be the object of ridicule as a form of comic relief.

* "Wait, if you're here, that means...oh, no!"

* "I've never (fill in the blank) in my life, and I don't intend to start now."

* A tattooed/albino, self-abusive, celibate, religious zealot assassin who likes to admire himself naked. By law, only Dan Brown can do this.